Sunday, 30 August 2009
It's been years since Perfection was rid of graboids and the townsfolk have slowly put their lives back together. But then an escaped mental patient claiming to be an angel shows up at the town diner, and everyone tries really hard to ignore him lest they find themselves once again plagued by monsters. When an extra from The Exorcist III begins climbing the walls, the townsfolk decide they must face the danger head-on and finally confront the deranged angel. Borrowing heavily from the only decent prophecy movie ever made, The Prophecy, and the only decent Kevin Smith movie ever made, Dogma, the angle-cop patiently explains to an audience of colourful film stereotypes that the pregnant diner waitress is carrying a starchild and the archangel Gabriel has come to earth to steal its soul.
After a good half hour of set-up, Gabriel's arrival at the diner and the ensuing apocalypse is heralded by Mummy-style special effects. In an effort to introduce a new mythology into the quasi-religious prophetical horror subgenre, Gabriel's army of angels is actually a horde of blue-skinned aliens. This subtle nod at John Carpenter is overshadowed by a much more obvious Carpenter reference when the film switches gears and becomes a suspenseful siege movie.
The stress of the situation induces labour in the waitress and she gives birth during the apocalypse. Gabriel uses this moment to launch his final attack and the waitress, having recently finished reading Harry Potter, sacrifices herself to save her infant starchild. Love conquers all, Gabriel is vanquished, and the angel-cop adopts the baby.
Sequel: An insolent and rebellious starchild must face its destiny when evil aliens from the hell dimension attempt to wipe out all life on earth with another apocalypse.